Bittersweet

Memories are beautiful, but in truth, that's what they are...memories of the past. And no matter how hard we may try, we will never perfectly & successfully recreate a moment or a series of moments in time. We may come really close, but a complete and perfect recreation just isn't possible.

When David Letterman was on the verge of leaving NBC for his show now on CBS, reports at the time said that NBC - on the hopes of staving off a costly competition and negative PR defection - swept in and offered Dave the Tonight Show, saying they'd find a way to kick Jay Leno to the curb in a year or so, and then the show would be his.

Wisely, Peter Lassally, who formerly was Tonight's producer and then a Letterman consultant, advised Dave that were he to take this route, not only would be be looked at as the neighborhood bully, but it wouldn't be the same as getting the show directly from his mentor, Carson. "You're not getting Johnny's 'Tonight Show', but a ruined Tonight Show that Jay ran into the ground," he said. "You wouldn't be getting Johnny's show, but Jay's show."

Knowing Peter was right, Dave declined the last-minute offer. He knew that no matter how hard he might have tried, memories just can't be recreated and time can't be changed.

Long-time readers of this blog remember last fall and the differences that eventually boiled over to the surface at the church we were attending at the time. We've been members there for over 13 years. I remember some of the great fun Tammy and I have had there through the years.

I remember - most of all - when we were having so much trouble getting pregnant. The ladies' Sunday School class members took it upon themselves to pray for us, and on February 14, 1999, Tammy and I found out Jonathan was on the way. I remember us pulling Jo Ann Raney into Don Amelung's old office and Tammy telling her we were pregnant. Jo Ann grabbed Tammy so hard Tammy's soda got knocked off onto the floor; there's still a spot on the rug to this day if you look hard enough. Jo Ann then literally flung herself onto the floor in front of the pulpit at that Sunday night's service. Just three years later, Tammy and I would give birth to our second son, again brought to this world safely because of the many prayers of our friends and fellow church members.

I remember the Sunday School fellowships we had through the years. "Who Wants to Win Some Free Stuff" (the takeoff of Regis' "Millionaire" show), "Family Feud", and the last game show fellowship, "Match Game". The watermelon and chili (at separate times, you understand!) fellowships were great, too.

I remember the Passion Plays we were able to be a part of each Easter - from our first in 1995 when Tammy and I filled in as narrators for an ailing Bernard Williams to the last a few years later when I played Satan (typecasting in the minds of many, I'm sure) on Friday night and then punching out "Arise My Love" and "Take Up Your Cross" on Sunday morning. In the same respect, I remember singing in the 1998 Christmas cantata and not realizing until the next day I'd done some (temporary) damage to my throat because I'd been singing with a pretty good case of strep. Who knew?

I remember the full-service dramas we wrote and put together there...the first one in 1996, "It's Jesus", taking off on the James Carville line, "It's the economy, stupid," urging Christians to get involved in the process and vote. The second, in 1998, urging Christians to get involved in encouraging others.

I remember the Sunday School's Parenting Conference, put together in 2003, to help minister to hurting parents throughout the entire region. We had people from Shelby County and West Central Illinois who came to our event that spring weekend.

I remember teaching the College Sunday School class with Tammy for all those years, getting 30-40 students to come be a part of our ministry. We were so successful the last year we actually were able to open a Tuesday night Bible study to supplement the Sunday morning class.

I remember the fantastic - absolutely fantastic - job Tammy did last year in her first (and subsequently only) year as VBS Director. She had a ball, and it was one of the few things she was looking forward to taking up again this year.

Memories are wonderful, but they're somewhat bittersweet at times. Over the last few days, I've come to realize through my prayer time that those memories, as much as I'd like to rewind the tape and do them all over again, are probably gone forever. That is - the memories are forever, but the opportunity to recreate them in that same setting has probably passed me by. And while I'm thrilled our family has recaptured the joy of worshipping Him each Sunday - this Sunday was a phenomenal day in the Lord - I truly weep at the road we've been forced to take. Bittersweet is the word of the day.