A worried, blinded eye

Tonight at choir practice, something Bryan Taylor said really convicted me deeply, though he doesn't even know it. He was talking about different types of sins we all probably commit, and he said, "worrying about your finances" as he spoke. I really don't know what he said after that, because what he said really stood out in my mind.

He's right - that is a sin. Human nature and the flesh cause us to worry, even though we're commanded otherwise. But in our case, if you're being prudent financially, everything's fine, and you're still worried, then you're doubting God's ability to work in your life and essentially making your finances an idol to be worshipped or at least focused upon for an unhealthy, inordinate amount of time.

My current job that I have right now ends in very early January, win, lose or draw. Ideally, another position will appear otherwise, either before or when that one ends. But I'm worried about that not because I want to simply have something to do outside of the house, but because I am worried about how we'll pay our bills once this job is over.

Not often do you sit in choir practice and get cut to the quick with a convicting statement. But it felt good. I've been praying that God would reveal Himself to us, showing us what He wants us doing and where He wants us to do it in the future. He most definitely revealed Himself to me tonight, but not in the manner I expected. But good, bad, or otherwise, feeling His presence in my life and showing me very quickly a point I needed to work on was a welcome moment, fleeting as though it may have been.

Now if I could only stop worrying about the Cards' lack of bullpen pitching...

Silver Dollar City

Well, backtracking to about 6 weeks ago, we never got the chance to tell you about our trip to Branson. I hadn't been there in about 30 years or so - my memories were completely pre-tourism boom - and Tammy & the boys had never been there. So, when we got down there the Thursday of Memorial Day weekend, it was an awesome sight.

We stayed at the Grand Country Inn...not exactly the Plaza Suite, but with the indoor waterpark, the boys were in tall cotton. We barely had time to check in before our show at the Dixie Stampede. Probably anyone who's reading this blog that's been to the show knows it's essentially National Championship Rodeo meets Cirque du Soleil. Although Tammy said quite accurately the Cirque du Soleil folks don't have a 25-foot tall Dolly Parton singing "God Bless America" on a movie screen.

BTW, I finished the whole bird, folks. For those of you who've been there, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

And, to highlight the evening, Jonathan and David were two of the four chicken chasers for the night! Afterward, we headed back and let the boys experience the amazing indoor water park before hitting the sheets. Friday and Saturday we spent the days at Silver Dollar City - and I got sooooo drenched on the water toboggan ride - and the boys just loved "Fire in the Hole". We spent one night mini-golfing and another back at the hotel at the water park. It was here that I noticed the first of my two ear infections over the last month or so.

Yahoo.

Anyway, we shopped a little on Sunday and then headed back north. It was just a great, great time. Plenty of pics that we'll try to get posted soon, too.

More updates on the last few weeks when we get a chance.

Oh, and Brandy, I do remember when we used to blog. It was nice. You're right!

My evening with Michael

Finally, many weeks late & overdue, here's a picture of a balding me and my voice-crush, Michael English, after his May concert in O'Fallon. Just an amazing voice and an amazing testimony of his faith in Christ and true, tangible redemption.

If you've not gotten a chance to read his book, "The Prodigal Comes Home", give it a read. It's just a fantastic book.

Revival in the land

Yes, it's late, but I can't sleep. My ear feels like it's going to come thru the side of my head (this is Scott, btw), so I thought I'd be a bit productive and type an entry from the comfort of my bed.

Just the mental image each of you needed, eh?

I'll wait while you go slaughter some hogs to get the image of me in bed out of your collective minds.

Anyway, I was pretty miserable this morning w/my ear, so I didn't get to listen to Bro. Jeff's sermon in person this morning. From what I hear, like others we've missed because of vacations, I'll want to catch it later this week once it's posted online.

He spoke again on revival...not the normal type of church revival we think of at the first mention of the word. Not a three to five day revival with pot lucks we see at church and that - if we're lucky in modern-day society - 50% of any given church body will attend. No - this was a personal revival. He brought the base of that message last week, and this week he apparently expounded upon it even more in depth.

I want to hear this sermon.

You see, I remember where I was this time last year in my walk. Struggling, confused & conflicted between our desire to really be fed and grow in our walk versus my flesh's desire to not admit defeat, not admit that things weren't hunky-dorie where we were attending at the time, and not admit that - for my family's spiritual health and for mine - we needed to leave where we were attending at the time and go elsewhere.

Flash forward to the first part of July in 2008.

Am I where I need to be spiritually? Not even close. Am I satisfied with my walk with Christ? Not even close. Am I satisfied with my prayer life? Time in His Word?

Not even close. I am, as I have been in the past, a miserable failure to what I should be.

But I sense a closeness with Jesus I've not felt in a great while. We have a great desire to be at church, to fellowship with our fellow believers, to hear Bro. Jeff and to dig deep, deep, deep into the Word to see what truths God is preparing to reveal to each of us. This morning when I couldn't get my ear settled down enough to go, there was a longing in my heart to be there, knowing God's spirit and His truths were being revealed for all those in attendance. Tonight at our small group, we really began to dig in to experiencing God around us in a church fellowship, talking more about the call in 1 Corinthians 12 to rejoice and suffer with others in the church body; not just in a surface, disconnected way, but fully joined as a body of believers should be. I long for these moments - to rejoice, suffer, and share with my brothers and sisters in Christ like never before.

So while I am a miserable failure in what I believe I should be, I can feel revival coming. It's coming indeed. And I'm more excited than I've been in a long, long time.

Now, if I could only find something to ease the swelling in the right side of my head...perhaps Preparation H down my eartube?

Come now. You didn't think I'd just end it on a serious note, did you? :)

We're baaaack!

Our 114th post, and it sure took a while.

The last month and a half has been a whirl, and we apologize for not getting on here sooner to try to explain...why we haven't been on here sooner.

Right after the Michael English concert (and we still owe our faithful readers a photo of Scott with Michael, btw), we had David's kindergarten graduation, followed by a Memorial Day vacation to Branson - more on all of these things later, btw.

Then, ball games for both boys started up, and Scott developed a pretty serious ear infection from allergies. Then...the flood. Scott worked over 21 straight days on the flooding, running from Alexandria to Clarksville and points in between each day to make sure all the towns had enough volunteers, national guard troops, sandbags, pumps, and anything else they might need.

Then...Scott developed (in the last few days) another ear infection in the OTHER ear. He may be heading toward the downward slope on that one.

All this time, Tammy was busy working during her busy period and also getting ready for the Homeschool Co-ops upcoming year. She also organized all the ballgames for Jonathan's team (which Scott was coaching), making sure the parents knew the times, dates, and places for each of the games as well as coordinating snacks & drinks and all the rainout games as well. It's been a busy, busy last 30-45 days.

But, now you get to hear about it in full detail. Things seem to be calming down, and that means you get so much more of us.

Yay for you!

More soon.

Michael English in Concert

Tammy calls it a "man-crush", but it's really more of a "voice-crush". Nonetheless, last night Tammy gave me my birthday present early as she took me to the Michael English concert at First Baptist in O'Fallon.

Full disclosure - I had mentioned this a couple of times to Tammy, but she sprang into action on this little surprise far before I realized he was going to be there, apparently. She got the tickets, got the sitter, and off we went. A meal at the Macaroni Grill and a stroll around the Mid Rivers Mall later, and we were at First Baptist for the concert.

Wow. I read recently where someone said Michael "used to be" at his prime, voice-wise. I don't know what these people were listening to, because he let it all hang out last night, even while fighting the springtime allergies that we face - he told a great story of being on tour w/Avalon, and during a break in the tour, he went home, mowed his lawn, and was fighting the sniffles and gunk for the rest of the tour. Just a fantastic voice - he hasn't lost a step. Period.

And no, we didn't get out of there without him doing my two favorite songs of his - In Christ Alone as the last song of the concert, and I Bowed on My Knees & Cried Holy as his encore.

Anyway, Michael did a few songs from his new CD, The Prodigal Comes Home, and he talked a great deal about his life's testimony, explained more fully in his book of the same name. To say Michael has an amazing story of redemption to tell is an understatement.

It was a tremendously appropriate night - First Baptist was celebrating their one-year anniversary of Celebrate Recovery, a Christian-based recovery program for addiction, co-dependency, or other similar obstacles. I told Tammy on the way home that, after having read Michael's book, I can't think of anyone who God has led through more addiction-related issues than Michael, and he's back home again - his entire message of the evening was that no matter who you are or what issues you have or are fighting thru right now, there's always a seat at God's table reserved for you. Great message, and just a fantastic concert.

Oh, and yes...to think I got out of there without a pic with Michael would've been just crazy talk, eh? Later, I'll post a photo Tammy took of Michael & me together at the autograph/meeting table. I only got a couple of minutes with him, but wow. Just a tremendously humble man who's really served as a blessing to so many, now more than ever.

Mother's Day Moment

Our church played this toward the beginning of the service yesterday (Sunday - Mother's Day). We thought it was so funny, we'd share it with you here:



Ah, who doesn't love Mother's Day?

My dinner with Roger

I think we all know how deeply I love Roger Clemens (ahem). How I chanted his name - fully in support, of course (Ahem) - during the 2004 & 2005 playoff series with my Cardinals, and how I firmly believe (AHEM) his claims that he's not ever, ever taken any performance-enhancing drugs.

But I digress.

The best quote I've read on his current situation:

Jeff Schultz, from today's Atlanta Journal-Constitution: "The monthly meeting of 'Women Who Haven’t Slept with Roger Clemens' will meet this evening at Applebees. A table for six has been reserved."

Quote of the Day

Jamal Simmons, second from the left in the above-referenced photo, on CNN, discussing the hypotheticals in the Democratic race for President:

"Everyone keeps talking about 'If this happened for Hillary Clinton' and 'If that happened'...well, if my aunt had a certain male appendage, she'd be my uncle."

Straight up, she's nuts

Admittedly, I'm not an American Idol watcher. I usually just watch the auditions (what I affectionately refer to as the "train wreck round"), and then I'll glance at an episode here & there over the next few weeks. For example, last week they had Andrew Lloyd Webber come work with the contestants...which would be like Mario Andretti working with me on how to steer a cart at Wal-Mart, but I digress.

Anyway, last night Tammy and I were flipping channels and sat on that for a few minutes. After the contestants had each performed one - one, mind you - song, the judges were asked for their group assessments. Dawg Randy Jackson had a quick synopsis, and then they turned it over to the Mistress of Zen, Paula Abdul.

Sweet heavens.

If she's not nuts - certifiably - then I'll eat this computer.

First, she said it was hard for her to write stuff down about the contestants, muttering something unintelligible about the darkness of the studio.

Uhm, Paula, I saw a few minutes of the show; people in the first few rows could've read a book during the performances, the lights were so bright. I'm not sure, but I think there was a surgeon performing an operation just in front of the judges' desk.

Then, she made all of us who think she doesn't know what day it is really, really proud. While commenting on one of the contestants, she said, "The first song I loved hearing your lower register, which we never really hear. The second song, I felt like your usual charm wasn't...it was missing for me, it kind of left me a little empty. And the two songs made me feel like you're not fighting hard enough to get into the top four.''

Here's the problem.

They'd each only performed one song.

Then she told them, "I thought you performed two songs!"

Nice.

I always knew Paula was a space alien, but now she's a time traveler as well. Wonderful!

I knew there was a reason I didn't watch that show. We flipped to some HGTV show right after that grease fire.

Classless

Yesterday, I taught what might be one of my last speech classes - depending upon how many sign up for the June mini-term class. Because we don't know what type of schedule I'll be under in the fall with my job...not to mention if we will be here or otherwise...I just thought it to be the height of irresponsibility if I accepted a contract to teach in the fall. So, I voluntarily removed myself from the adjunct faculty roster at the college this fall. If they'll take me, and Lord willing in where we land, I may very well step back into the role in the spring of '09. But that's for another day.

That was really painful. Last night we had one of my classes over for an end-of-year party, and after they left, some of my students from previous years' classes stuck around until the wee hours of the morning. It was some of the most fun Tammy & I have had in a long time.

I love my students. I love teaching. It helps keep me young to be around the collegiate setting. I only hope I was able to give back to them the same joy and fun that they gave to me. This fall will be the first time in years that I haven't had a hand in the college ranks. Tammy and I used to be the college Sunday School teachers at our previous church, and then I went from teaching at church to also teaching on campus. It'll take a little getting used to, but I'm looking forward to being able to return someday. It's been more fun than a human should be allowed to have!

A beautiful voice

But when the chief priests and the teachers of the law saw the wonderful things he did and the children shouting in the temple courts, "Hosanna to the Son of David," they were indignant. "Do you hear what these children are saying?" they asked him. "Yes," replied Jesus, "have you never read, "'From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise'?" - Matthew 21:15-16 (NIV)

Before I begin talking about David, let me say a few words about Jonathan. Jonathan is one of the few children I know who - during the worship service at church - will take his picture Bible and read the stories. He loves doing this on Sunday nights (Sunday morning is Kidz Quest/Children's Church). He's always shown his knowledge of the Bible since before he accepted Jesus as his savior, and it's only gotten stronger through the years. He's a really, really good boy.

David, on the other hand, is usually a bit more hard to handle in the services. But Sunday night...wow.

I picked David up during one of the worship songs because I thought he was acting up. I was so, so wrong. He actually was going through motions he made up (or at least were made up by someone and he subsequently learned) for the song..."Your love is deep, your love is high, your love is long, your love is wide..." I picked David up, and he started singing the song as well, reading the words off one of the big projection screens in the sanctuary. I was never so proud or so moved to hear my youngest son singing, "Your love is deep, your love is high, your love is long, your love is wide..." into my ears while doing the motions to match. We just stood there, singing to each other and with the rest of the congregation for a few moments. The notes weren't always dead-on (for either of us), but it was beautiful. I always find those moments to be so fleeting, but they're great to hang on to and remember.

For a parent...and I think more so for a father who's ordained to be the spiritual head of the household...nothing is sweeter to an ear than the sounds of a child praising God. I admittedly fail miserably so often to be the spiritual head God wants from me, but moments like that make me realize again and again His good can emerge from my bad. And for just a few moments, I had just a glimmer of the kind of joy God feels when His ear hears the sounds of adoring hearts of His children singing praises.

With so many other worries and distractions in this world, to know our entire family is saved by His grace and our two children are well grounded in their faith and salvation in Him...everything else just seems sort of trivial. As well it should.

While pinned down by sniper fire...

With all due respect to Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels:



Devil with the blue dress, blue dress, blue dress
Devil with the blue dress on

Volunteerism

The other day, an employee at Western Illinois University in Macomb, Illinois, ran across a note that supposedly threatened violence on the campus that very day. Buildings were placed in lockdown, and lots of security precautions were obviously taken. However, it was the next day's news report on the event that struck me. THe morning drive time reporter said:

"Classes were indeed still held on campus yesterday in light of the threats. However, university officials reported that attendance was voluntary."

Uhm...I went to college not that long ago...when has it NOT been voluntary? I mean, wearing clothes to the store and actually showing up to work are voluntary; yes, there are consequences that you face if you don't (like me scarring most of the local population for life if I were to take the former suggestion above), but lots of things are optional.

Sort of reminded me of the old ESPN SportsCenter line about a player being injured and his status being listed as "day to day". Uhm...again...aren't we all? Aren't we all just day to day?

I am one deep philosopher tonight, eh?

A rite of spring

Bart Giamatti, former ivy league president & Commissioner of Major League Baseball, wrote so eloquently about baseball in his poem, "The Green Fields of the Mind." As this is the REAL first day of baseball (those games in Japan just don't count), please let me share a couple of lines...

"It breaks your heart. It is designed to break your heart. The game begins in the spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains come, it stops and leaves you to face the fall alone."

This is the time of year when hope springs eternal, when men become boys, and when everyone becomes an all star, if but only in their minds.

Ladies and gentlemen, play ball, and GO CARDS!

Now is the time to worship

Tammy was gone this weekened to a Hearts at Home or We Women Love Ourselves or whatever in the world it was called. Seriously, it was a Hearts at Home conference, and it was very good, from what I heard. However, this left the boys & me to fend for ourselves this weekend. We had a great time Saturday...Buffalo Wild Wings was excellent on Saturday (you had to know we'd go there sometime while Tammy was gone), and a friend of ours did a fantastic job in a play she was in Saturday night at the college; she stole the show.

But, the highlight - for me, at least - ended up being today. For those who may not know, we recently joined Calvary Baptist Church in Hannibal. And, well, wow. Tammy wrote some time back about her worship experience that left her in tears right after we left our previous church. Today was my turn.

Just as we started singing How Great Thou Art, I just felt - and that's a dangerous term...felt...but it was truly accurate - with a spirit of worship I haven't had in a long, long time. By the time we got to the last verse, I was squeezing Jonathan's shoulders so hard he turned around and told me I was hurting him. Then as we transitioned into How Great is Our God, I just started to cry...amazed at His love for me, amazed at how even now, as we don't know where we'll be or what we're doing next year, He still provides for us a home for worship, a home for fellowship, and a home for a new church family, even with many members of our former church part of our extended families forever. He is our great provider, providing even a bridge to Him through His Son.

I really can't explain it other than to say - and I'm really not trying to be mean or cruel here, seriously - this was the most moving time I've had in worship in a long, long time. Bro. Jeff has said time & again we should be just as spent as he is after a worship service; it's (supposed to be) a shared time of worship to our Father. Today, it truly, truly was, though in addition to being spent, I was rejuvenated for the future. I feel Him drawing me closer to Him than I've been in a long time, and I'm truly joyous and thrilled. We've each had those times when we feel distanced from God, as though our prayers aren't even escaping our room. Yet today, I felt His presence with more clarity, more density, than I've felt in some time. I told Tammy - while not meaning to be blasphemous - that His presence has always felt "thick" at Calvary, other churches we've visited, and many times in the past at our previous church as well. Yet today it literally overwhelmed me...and yes, that's a valid use of the term - His spirit swept over me.

How Great is our God!

Bittersweet

Memories are beautiful, but in truth, that's what they are...memories of the past. And no matter how hard we may try, we will never perfectly & successfully recreate a moment or a series of moments in time. We may come really close, but a complete and perfect recreation just isn't possible.

When David Letterman was on the verge of leaving NBC for his show now on CBS, reports at the time said that NBC - on the hopes of staving off a costly competition and negative PR defection - swept in and offered Dave the Tonight Show, saying they'd find a way to kick Jay Leno to the curb in a year or so, and then the show would be his.

Wisely, Peter Lassally, who formerly was Tonight's producer and then a Letterman consultant, advised Dave that were he to take this route, not only would be be looked at as the neighborhood bully, but it wouldn't be the same as getting the show directly from his mentor, Carson. "You're not getting Johnny's 'Tonight Show', but a ruined Tonight Show that Jay ran into the ground," he said. "You wouldn't be getting Johnny's show, but Jay's show."

Knowing Peter was right, Dave declined the last-minute offer. He knew that no matter how hard he might have tried, memories just can't be recreated and time can't be changed.

Long-time readers of this blog remember last fall and the differences that eventually boiled over to the surface at the church we were attending at the time. We've been members there for over 13 years. I remember some of the great fun Tammy and I have had there through the years.

I remember - most of all - when we were having so much trouble getting pregnant. The ladies' Sunday School class members took it upon themselves to pray for us, and on February 14, 1999, Tammy and I found out Jonathan was on the way. I remember us pulling Jo Ann Raney into Don Amelung's old office and Tammy telling her we were pregnant. Jo Ann grabbed Tammy so hard Tammy's soda got knocked off onto the floor; there's still a spot on the rug to this day if you look hard enough. Jo Ann then literally flung herself onto the floor in front of the pulpit at that Sunday night's service. Just three years later, Tammy and I would give birth to our second son, again brought to this world safely because of the many prayers of our friends and fellow church members.

I remember the Sunday School fellowships we had through the years. "Who Wants to Win Some Free Stuff" (the takeoff of Regis' "Millionaire" show), "Family Feud", and the last game show fellowship, "Match Game". The watermelon and chili (at separate times, you understand!) fellowships were great, too.

I remember the Passion Plays we were able to be a part of each Easter - from our first in 1995 when Tammy and I filled in as narrators for an ailing Bernard Williams to the last a few years later when I played Satan (typecasting in the minds of many, I'm sure) on Friday night and then punching out "Arise My Love" and "Take Up Your Cross" on Sunday morning. In the same respect, I remember singing in the 1998 Christmas cantata and not realizing until the next day I'd done some (temporary) damage to my throat because I'd been singing with a pretty good case of strep. Who knew?

I remember the full-service dramas we wrote and put together there...the first one in 1996, "It's Jesus", taking off on the James Carville line, "It's the economy, stupid," urging Christians to get involved in the process and vote. The second, in 1998, urging Christians to get involved in encouraging others.

I remember the Sunday School's Parenting Conference, put together in 2003, to help minister to hurting parents throughout the entire region. We had people from Shelby County and West Central Illinois who came to our event that spring weekend.

I remember teaching the College Sunday School class with Tammy for all those years, getting 30-40 students to come be a part of our ministry. We were so successful the last year we actually were able to open a Tuesday night Bible study to supplement the Sunday morning class.

I remember the fantastic - absolutely fantastic - job Tammy did last year in her first (and subsequently only) year as VBS Director. She had a ball, and it was one of the few things she was looking forward to taking up again this year.

Memories are wonderful, but they're somewhat bittersweet at times. Over the last few days, I've come to realize through my prayer time that those memories, as much as I'd like to rewind the tape and do them all over again, are probably gone forever. That is - the memories are forever, but the opportunity to recreate them in that same setting has probably passed me by. And while I'm thrilled our family has recaptured the joy of worshipping Him each Sunday - this Sunday was a phenomenal day in the Lord - I truly weep at the road we've been forced to take. Bittersweet is the word of the day.

Bush Boogie

Wow. The Prez in Liberia.

Wow.



Wow.

Quote of the Day

"Does Hillary Clinton still have her base of white women?" - Chris Matthews, MSNBC political anchor/"Hardball" host, during primary coverage on February 19, 2008

Yes, Chris; the base is located in the foothills of Yucca Mountain in Nevada. They've been trained in hand-to-hand combat and screeching.

Quote of the Day

"Mr. Clemens, do you recall bleeding through your pants in 2001?"

- U.S. Representative Tom Davis (R-VA) to accused HGH user Roger Clemens during Wednesday's congressional testimony & hearing.