Stealing Letters from Blogs

In the tradition of our good friend, Brandy (i.e., I'm stealing this idea from her), I'm bringing to you a few of the To Whom it May Concern letters,

To Whom it May Concern - I'm in a hotel room, and because I'm bored I will blog version

Dear Shopper in front of me at the convenience store,
I know choosing your option of lottery tickets is a tough deal. I don't play so I wouldn't know, but I'm sure choosing between losing money on "Deal or no Deal" or losing money on "Tic Tac Dough" or any other of the cute, amusing games produced by the lottery is a really tough task. However, Socrates, I'm standing behind you with a bottled water, and the only reason I'm here is pretty much to change a $20 I need to break before heading back to the hotel. So how about cutting a guy a break and making up your mind sometime before breakfast tomorrow morning?

Sincerely,
Tired & Sleepy
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Dear HBO,
OK. Rarely do I get the chance to see your channel. I'm not gonna pay a lot for this muffler, and I'm also not gonna pay for your channel in my home, considering most of the programs involve Bill Maher, boxing matches, or soft core porn. But when I do get a chance to see your channel in a hotel, I get...Beverly Hills Cop 3? What's next, Electric Boogaloo 2? Dirty Dancing Havana Nights? Grease 2? How about reruns of Jake & the Fatman? How about a movie from this century? If I see The Sound of Music as the featured Saturday movie, I may scream.

Sincerely,
The Caine Mutiny
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Dear Hotel Gym User,
I don't know how to break this to you, but Charlie Atlas you ain't. Who you are is the guy at the Y everyone makes fun of because you take your pick-up basketball games WAY too seriously...calling fouls, throwing knees & elbows...basically a classless fool. If I'm at a hotel gym, it's because I just want to try to kill some time and get remotely close to being in shape at the same time. I don't need to hear you grunting and groaning from across the room because you're trying to pedal up Mt. Ararat. How about scaling it down a bit, eh, Skippy?

Yours truly,
Fat & gangly
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Dear hotel heating system,
All I want is a warm room. I don't need the arctic, and I don't need the grand Sahara. Something in the middle would be a nice touch. I shouldn't have to get out a compass and slide rule to figure out how to make this work.

My best,
Pneumonia
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Dear LG,
What in the sam hill is this in my room? I didn't know you made tv's in IMAX size. This is glorious!

Love,
ESPN fan
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